So most that know me, know that I am not one that opens up very easily. I am an internal processor, so to speak, and keep most things on the inside. Very few get a glimpse of my inner most thoughts and feelings, that is except anger and aggravation. I seem to let those flow pretty freely. So with this post, I thought that I would give a little insight into my real life. You know, be a little vulnerable, something that I am NOT good at.
About two years ago, my husband decided to make a little career change. We always make every decision together and this was no different. We prayed about it, prayed for answers, prayed for guidance. It seemed like just the change that he needed. You see, he is excellent at what he was doing, but the department that he worked for was less than appreciative to the ones who bust their butts. He was getting to be a little bit of a jerk all the way around. This change seemed like a great idea. We prayed and doors stayed opened, we felt at ease with everything and it just seemed right. We lived comfortably at the time, but it seemed with this job change, we could be even more comfortable. WooHoo! Who doesn't want that?! Well, my friends, grass is not always as green as it looks on the other side.
Well, long story short, things just did not end up the way that we thought they would. He tried to make it work. He tried to enjoy this new line of work he had gotten himself into. I tried to be as encouraging as I could, but we both have been worn down. I ran out of encouragement. He ran out of energy trying to put on a happy face for me. And in the mean time, the money wasn't what we thought either, so there is one more thing to add to it. Needless to say, these last two years have been a little bit of a struggle for us. We have a very strong marriage and do not have many arguments, but I am here to tell you, in these last two years we have been tested. I have questioned what, why, where and how we got here. We prayed and it seemed to be God's will for us to follow this path, but we ended up scratching our heads. I know that there is so much worse that could have happened to us. We are very blessed and very lucky, but at the same time, confused.
All this said, I get it now! It was God's will. We have learned so much. We have grown so much. You see, I was just a tad bit materialistic before all of this, just a tad bit of a covet-er. Loved "what" everyone else had and wanted the "things" others had. We have been oh so humbled. We have learned what is most important in life. Does that mean that I want to live in a tent and only eat rice and beans? No, but if that's all I had and I had my family with me and could always talk to God, I would survive. On the other hand, I felt bad for my husband because I felt like this lesson was for me and he has had to suffer through it, but I believe he has learned some lessons of his own. Our faith has been tested and God has continued to provide and show His grace and mercy to us. I am grateful for these lessons and I am a bit hard-headed so it had to be a little drastic for me to get it. God knows just where to get us, to teach us. During this time, I have continued to refer back to Job, and just prayed that I could learn before I suffered all that he did.
