Time to fly.....

A little more than 18 years ago, this scared 16 year old gave birth to a sweet little, baby boy.  I wondered how in the world we would make it and what would we do.  I didn't know how or what, but I knew we would get through it together.  That sweet little boy gave me the motivation to make our life better and not just be a negative statistic.  He deserved better and I deserved better.  I will be the first to admit, I did not do such a hot job the first couple of years.  We got off to a rough start.  I had to find my direction.  There were many times that I felt like giving up, but I would look into those precious eyes and they kept me going. 

18 years have come and gone and it is time for him to graduate high school.  I can't believe it is time already.  He has made me more proud than I could possibly have imagined.  No, he is no straight A student, nor is he some star athlete, but that's not who he is.  I am proud of who he is.  Now he is in no way, shape or form, perfect.  And he is like his mom, when he messes up, he messes up big.  No small little mess ups for him.  If you're going to do it, do it big, right?  At the same time, like his mom, he has learned from those poor decisions.  He has grown.  I have had the privilege of watching him grow, not only in size but as a person.  He still has quite a bit of growing to do, but I am just so proud of the young man that he has become.  I look forward to watching him take these new steps in life.  

Now the hard part comes.  In about a month, he will graduate.  He will have huge life decisions right around the corner.  He has always been right under my wing for me to help him.  It is almost time for him to test out his own wings.  We have been preparing for this flight for 18 years, but now that the time is almost here, I realize that I am not ready for it.  Did I do enough?  Have I taught him what he needs to know?  How will he make it?  Have those decision making skills improved?  It is so scary watching them grow and even scarier when they're grown.  

God gave me a true blessing 18 years ago.  When many people thought it was a tragedy, I knew it was a treasure.  God gave me this great responsibility to raise this sweet little baby, and although I thought I was alone in the beginning, I now know that I never was.  God has been with us every step of the way.  I am proud of the job that we have done.  The blessing that this child has been is indescribable.  So my sweet baby boy, Tyler, it is almost time for you to spread those wings and soar.  The sky is the limit and when you feel the warmth of the sun, know that I am so close and that God is guiding you.  Know that because of you, I am forever Blessed Beyond Measure. 

Parenting hurts!

I remember when I use to get in trouble and my parents would say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you."  I never believed that, but I do now.  I hate having to get onto my kids, any of them.  My little girls are in that learning, exploring stage.  Sometimes they need a little redirection and at their age, they are easy to redirect.  My purpose for this post, though, is for the one that is not so easy to redirect, my 18 year old.

I had him when I was 16 and it was he and I against the world.  I promised him that we would not be part of some negative statistic, so I was very strict on him as a little boy.  He was the sweetest child that I have ever seen, including my girls.  He had the biggest, most generous heart.  As he got older and became a teenager, he became more and more materialistic (which I take some responsibility for).  Because of that, he got into a little trouble, and he saw that I don't just talk the talk.  I am a tough love mama.  I know that his heart never changed, he just needed some redirecting.  Redirecting a teenager is MUCH harder on the parents than it is on the kid.  They go around mad at you and they can stay that way for a long time.  They also have a life and you, as parent, hate to cut them off from that.  Yes, I would say that parenting a teenager is THE hardest thing that I have ever had to do.  I will let you in on a little secret........the discipline part is not the hardest part of it.  As hard as that is, it is actually the easiest part. 

Teenagers bring a whole new light to worrying.  You worry about them constantly.  They start high school, you worry.   They start driving, you worry.  They start dating, you worry.  They get ready to graduate high school, you worry.  Of those, you think of driving as the scariest and it is at first, at least the physical harm that can come from being reckless. It is scary!! No doubt!!  The more independent they become, the harder your heart beats, the darker it gets at night.  You wait for the phone to ring, praying it won't. Then with dating, you worry about pregnancy.  Oh how I didn't want him to be a teen parent.  Talk about hard!  And I didn't want to be a grandma at 32.  Thank God, I made it past 32 and that didn't happen.  

Here's the kicker, the one that gets you in the gut......their first break up from their first love.  Good grief!  I know that when my heart was broken by my first love I thought that I was going to DIE! (And it happened twice!)  That is nothing compared to watching your baby boy's heart breaking.  NOTHING!  It is heartbreaking for me, as a parent, because I grew to love her too.  I know that it is growing pains and not everyone marries their first love, but it is awful to watch.  I know that they will both grow from this and learn and hopefully both come out better on the other side.  First loves are special and they will look back on each other one day, although no time soon I'm sure, and have a special connection and bond.  It is a special memory.  It is all part of growing up.  No matter what, even though they may not think so now, they have a friend for life.  I do not look forward to going through this with my girls.  Maybe they will be like their daddy.  He married his first love, me.  It's so hard for him to relate because he didn't go through all that "losing your first love" stuff.  He doesn't really get it.  I tell him how lucky he is to not have had to go through it, but some days I wish he had experienced some of it so he could be more compassionate with them about it.  I guess I will be the expert on the situation for my kids.  So for now, I will just continue to pray for my sweet boy and his first love.  I know that I am glad to have experienced the things that I have so that I can be a voice of reason for him.  I wouldn't change any of it.  I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I just wish I could tell him that life gets easier, but I don't lie to him.  

As life gets harder and decisions get more difficult, I know that I am blessed beyond measure that that sweet young man, my son, knows that he can call on me anytime.  He knows that I may be a tough love kind of mom, but my love for him is Beyond Measure. 

Just a little insight....

So most that know me, know that I am not one that opens up very easily.  I am an internal processor, so to speak, and keep most things on the inside.  Very few get a glimpse of my inner most thoughts and feelings, that is except anger and aggravation.  I seem to let those flow pretty freely.  So with this post, I thought that I would give a little insight into my real life.  You know, be a little vulnerable, something that I am NOT good at.  

About two years ago, my husband decided to make a little career change.  We always make every decision together and this was no different.  We prayed about it, prayed for answers, prayed for guidance.  It seemed like just the change that he needed.  You see, he is excellent at what he was doing, but the department that he worked for was less than appreciative to the ones who bust their butts.  He was getting to be a little bit of a jerk all the way around.  This change seemed like a great idea.  We prayed and doors stayed opened, we felt at ease with everything and it just seemed right.    We lived comfortably at the time, but it seemed with this job change, we could be even more comfortable. WooHoo!  Who doesn't want that?! Well, my friends, grass is not always as green as it looks on the other side.

Well, long story short, things just did not end up the way that we thought they would.  He tried to make it work.  He tried to enjoy this new line of work he had gotten himself into.  I tried to be as encouraging as I could, but we both have been worn down.  I ran out of encouragement. He ran out of energy trying to put on a happy face for me.  And in the mean time, the money wasn't what we thought either, so there is one more thing to add to it.  Needless to say, these last two years have been a little bit of a struggle for us.  We have a very strong marriage and do not have many arguments, but I am here to tell you, in these last two years we have been tested.  I have questioned what, why, where and how we got here.  We prayed and it seemed to be God's will for us to follow this path, but we ended up scratching our heads.  I know that there is so much  worse that could have happened to us.  We are very blessed and very lucky, but at the same time, confused.  

All this said, I get it now!  It was God's will.  We have learned so much.  We have grown so much.  You see, I was just a tad bit materialistic before all of this, just a tad bit of a covet-er.  Loved "what" everyone else had and wanted the "things" others had.  We have been oh so humbled.  We have learned what is most important in life.  Does that mean that I want to live in a tent and only eat rice and beans?  No, but if that's all I had and I had my family with me and could always talk to God, I would survive.  On the other hand, I felt bad for my husband because I felt like this lesson was for me and he has had to suffer through it, but I believe he has learned some lessons of his own.  Our faith has been tested and God has continued to provide and show His grace and mercy to us. I am grateful for these lessons and I am a bit hard-headed so it had to be a little drastic for me to get it.  God knows just where to get us, to teach us.  During this time, I have continued to refer back to Job, and just prayed that I could learn before I suffered all that he did. 

Now, are we completely back on track with my husband's career?  No.......but we are on the way.  He has decided to go back to school to do what he said he was going to do many years ago.  My husband is a paramedic, and an awesome one at that.  He is a medical whiz.  So smart! (Please don't tell him I said that.  He also has the ego to go with it!)  He is my hero.  He has always talked about going to nursing school, but we never thought he could.  We never thought, financially, it would be possible.  Well, one of the things that we have learned is that with God, we can do ANYTHING, as long as it is His will.  I know that God gave Randy this gift of medical knowledge and won't let it go to waste.  So as of this summer, God willing, my husband will be back in college working towards his nursing degree.  Please pray for us.  I know that God will take care of us.  Of all that I have learned these last two years, that is the most important.    I know that I am blessed beyond measure.  Of that, I have no doubt. 

They go to work..

Let me start by saying how saddened I am by the horrible accidents that occurred Sunday morning on I-75.  My heart aches for the survivors and for the families of those lost.  I pray that they will seek God for comfort during this tragic, traumatic time.  I could not imagine going through such horrifying event. 

With that being said, I am so proud of all of the EMS workers who were there working those accidents.  From everything that I have read and heard, they all performed with the utmost excellence.  My husband no longer works for that department, but we know most who were there and they are top notch! None of us lay people have a clue what they endure and see every shift.  Yes, this was a horrific series of events, one that you or I would run in the other direction from or stand there dumb-founded.  They didn't do that.  They went to work.  They went into the danger.  They train for these kind of things, at the same time, praying that it will never happen. 

This was horrible, no doubt, but these guys and girls see horrible things all the time.  Maybe not to this degree, but horrible none the less, and maybe just as horrible, but in a different way.  So many things that they see never  makes the news.  So many things they see, we never even hear about.  Frankly, we couldn't handle it.  They deal with things and see things that we don't want to see, that we don't want to know really happen.

 

Our public safety personnel, EMS and law enforcement, are government employees, but I warn you not to categorize them as the high-paid, lazy, non-productive government employees.  Sure, they take their naps and eat their doughnuts, but when you call 911, they respond.  You aren't calling the city or county commissioner to come to your aid. Good luck if you try that, especially at 3a.m. 

My point is, the EMS (and law enforcement) are there for us when we call them.  They don't sit on the other end of the phone and complain to you about the amount of money they make, or don't make, or the raises that they didn't get.  They respond.  They go to work.  They do a job that we can't do or wouldn't do.  Respect them.  Be thankful for them.  We need them.  I know that I am thankful for my very own, personal paramedic.  I am very proud of him.  I have the utmost respect for him and his career.  He is my hero and he is one of the reasons that I feel blessed beyond measure.  

http://www.gainesville.com/article/20120201/ARTICLES/120209966?tc=cr

Really people!!!

I just don't know what to think anymore.  What is wrong with people?  They are trying to say that school food is making our youngsters overweight.  Really people! I mean, come on! It is ONE (two for some) meal of the day.  For some, that is the only meal they get.  It is the same food that they served when we were little.  Did they ever think that kids now are just LAZY and they have parents that use video games to babysit, because God forbid they have to go outside and play with them or watch them?  That would mean that they have to get up and move as well.  So they blame the school lunches for overweight kids, but want to remove recess.  How much sense does that make, really?  It is ridiculous and it sickens me all the "educated" people that buy into this crap.  The problem is, all the "higher education" in the world can't buy you common sense, and that's all this is. One skimpy school lunch is not going to be the cause of kids to become overweight.  If that were the case, they would come back all slim and trim after summer break.  Kids need parents that care enough to play ball with them outside, take them to the park, go for walks.  Get off the couch!  Turn off the video games!  Don't take away PE and leave the school food alone.  It was good enough for us to eat.  And most of all, STOP with the blame game!

Oh yes, and who gives a crap if Paula Deen ate a stupid hamburger.  She is the one with diabetes.  She is not force feeding anyone the burger or the food that she cooks.  Get a grip people.  If you don't like her food or her, don't watch her show or buy her cookbooks.  She has never said that she cooks healthy food.  She has never said for anyone to sit down and eat the whole Ooey Gooey cake that she makes.  Common sense people, common sense!  No amount of money can buy it and I find that very unfortunate, because there seems to  be more and more people lacking it.

As for me, I grew up on school lunch and good ol' southern "Paula Deen" style food, and feel blessed beyond measure to have done so! (And no, I wasn't overweight then, nor am I now) 

My husband....

Let me just tell you a little about my husband.......The man of my dreams........My hero.......My knight in shining armor.  He is my best friend, my boyfriend, my earthly rock.  He is the best daddy that I have ever seen and he has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  God has given him such a giving and serving heart.  I love him with all that I am.  God has definitely blessed me beyond measure by allowing me to share my life and children with this man.

Now, with that being said, his biggest dread is to end up being mentioned in a bad light on my blog.  It's kind of a joke between us.  And you may ask, if he is such a great person, how would he end up on the blog in a negative light?  Well, he is a man.  He procrastinates like nobody's business.  I have never seen anything like it.  That is probably our biggest argument.  It irritates the fire out of me. 

That is what my blog was going to be about today, BUT he has gone and done something out of the ordinary.  He tried to play match-maker.  Not a good idea for a guy to do, especially my husband.  He is probably the most non-nosy man I know.  Which means he doesn't know enough about the said parties to set them up.  He knows the girl is very attractive and sophisticated-country and he knows the guy is, well, a guy and country.  To him, that was a match.  WHAT!?  NO!  He even asked me about it before and I said, "Absolutely not!"  You see, I know this girl.  She is my younger "twin."  Younger by about 13 years.  We call her my twin because she and I are so much alike.  I know her.  I knew that this guy was not her type.  Not even close. It made for a awkward little moment via good ol' Facebook. Thank goodness it was only Facebook and she could hit the "Ignore" button.  I think I would have had to beat him if he had gone behind my back to set up a person to person meeting. 

So the moral of the story is, my husband needs to get busy taking care of his own business, because he isn't nosy enough to be dealing in other peoples'.  And to all of you out there, if my husband tells you, "Don't tell my wife," it's because he is up to something that I have already told him he has no business messin' with. (Or he is planning for a gift or surprise party for me.  He is actually good at those!)

ps. I love you, Honey!

And the opinions start flying.....

I think it is so sad that we live in a society full of people who play the blame game.  It seems that so many people find it so easy to blame others for their own circumstances.  What is even worse, they have other people jump on the band wagon to support their blame of others.  PEOPLE....Wake up!  I definitely realize that there are some circumstances that cannot be helped and may cause distress, I get that.  For instance, the closing of a factory or someone smashing into your car, I understand putting the blame on someone else. This is not what I am talking about.  

Some of the things that I am talking about are blaming your parents for you growing up to be a druggie or an alcoholic or an abusive person.  You GROW UP and you know right from wrong.  I'm not saying that growing up and having a horrible childhood doesn't cause issues in your adult life.  It does.  I know that.  You know that within yourself you have these issues.  Go and get some help.  I also realize that not everyone has the means to get professional help, but find someone to talk to.  If you know that the decisions you are making are going to be detrimental, do something to change it.  Instead we hear, "My dad drank and beat my mom so that's the only behavior that I know."  Really!?!  Come on, you know that's wrong!  Make the decision not to do that.    What about the girls (white, black, hispanic, etc) sitting on welfare popping out six kids from four different guys, blaming the guys for being dead-beats. Really?  You're the one who slept with him knowing he had four other kids he didn't take care of.  Where does that blame really need to go?  We all know the list goes on and on and on and on.

 I do make one exception......Veterans.  I think it is our responsibility to help care for them when they can't take care of themselves.  Many of them have the problems that they do because of what they have endured protecting us and our freedoms.  

All of that to say, I do believe in helping people, providing a hand up, not a hand-out.  I have needed a hand up, as I know many others have as well.  I just don't feel that we should make a life out of living off of hand-outs and blaming others for our misfortunes and mistakes. 

Funny how that is what this blog turned into.  I intended on it being about something else.  I guess I will save that for another day.